Title:	Untitled
Date:	2006-08-24 @ 00:57
Security:	public
Location:	living room
Music:	none
Mood:	happy

i feel hella amounts better now. i called kim kristin and colin and nobody could talk/answered. so then randomly mel from softball called me. it was amazing cause she was so bubbly and it completely rubbed off on me and she changed my views on the night ONE HUNDRED PERCENT! so it was wonderfully amazing to hear from that lovely lady tonight:] then kim called me back but we didnt really talk cause i have this thing where i dont like to talk if someone is with friends, because its like.. you should spend time with whoever youre with, not someone whose at a distance, yanno? so eventually colin called me back and we had a WONDERFUL conversation:] it was the best one in a LONG while. he is great and silly and its awesome that we are so... silly with eachother. my mood is very good now. i wish my bestfriend knew how much she means to me. and im willing to work on things for her. to make her happier. and to help her however she needs. cause im not letting her go. cause theres no one in this world who will ever or could ever replace her. please just know this??? i love the book JUDE im reading. you should definetly give it a lookie. Josh is crazy and said i locked him out of my room cause i put my money holder in front of the door hahah yeahhh good one. he was joking and it was funny. and me and Karly were being sykos all night and i loved it. she makes me wish we spent more time together this Summer. well i love you all and i miss my baby colin until he is home from vacation. this is a very awesome relationship and i will give it my all:]<3

goodnight starlight

bestfriendsneverend.iloveyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Title:	Untitled
Date:	2006-08-22 @ 22:51
Security:	public
Location:	bedroom
Music:	Carrie Underwood- Don't Forget To Remember Me
Mood:	determined

i dont like this font but i dont really think i know how to change it. my first volleyball scrimmage was tonight. we played north penn, we won. i wasnt aggressive enough and i was told to bring a tennis ball to practice tomorrow to use to spike. i have been playing all around which means i also am playing defense as well as being a hitter:] i love to play all around. i am number 2 again this year. it is an XL and doesnt fit but i might get it tailored if i feel like it. we have new jerseys, they have flames on them. hott, ahah.

i am reading this book called "Jude". it is REALLY good and i cant wait to read more tonight. im listening to Carrie Underwood right now. She has an amazing voice. i LOVE country music. i cant really explain it but one day i got the urge to listen to country and it has stuck ever since:] something about it just lifts my spirits. i like rap alot lately too. volleyball season=rap music. good ol Tennent. Kayla is my cubby:] she reminds me of me.. she has very pretty eyes and dark brown hair. i am very excited for this season!

i guess now that i think about it.. alot is different in my life now. first of all.. im extremely busy already. school isnt even here yet and i have a planned out routine daily. which is fine, it just takes alot of energy. i am already in better shape because of volleyball. we did fitness for two hours one morning last week and that felt great. i love the feeling where you dont think you could possibly do one more set and then the coach pushes you and you do it and its as if you are on top of the world. thats been happening often this year already. we are more disciplined and i think thats very important. it helps me to take my coach seriously when there are consequences to our actions.

anyway.. i can see why nobody would want to read this so far considering its bascially all about volleyball. but now i realize how much it means to me:]

lately i feel like everybody is judging me. i am a person who will do what she thinks is right for her and for the people she loves. i live my life and usually it is in a way where other people are supportive. but sometimes it just doesnt happen this way. when people tell me what i should be doing or spending my time with it starts to bug me. and maybe people do it because they care, and that would be the only acceptlable explanation in my view, but still its back to the fact that its my life and you should let me make my own descisions. i feel as if people overreact and dont even give me the benefit of the doubt. if everybody thinks im such a horrid friend all of a sudden then why would people even want to hang out with me? from what i know and how i feel about myself i am a WONDERFUL friend and i have been there and im VERY open with everyone. i have figured out who was worth it and who wasnt worth it through these CRAZY ASS years of middle and high school. i am free for friends and new connections. people just need to hang loose and realize that whatever they think about me is just in their own heads. sometimes i just need some space. after everything we have gone though i think you could at least give me that.

colin and i have been going out about a month and two weeks. its been.. crazyily good. he is down the shore right now. i have seen him a GREAT amount this Summer.  i love to be with him. to hug him, to kiss him, to just sit there and be a bum with him all day. he has seen the best and the worst of me in such a short amount of time.. and he still wants me. and that means alot. my longest relationship was only two months [officially] and that was with Colin a couple years back. im curious and anxious and excited to see where these feelings will take us:] either way.. im not going to look back or have regrets because if i did that we would never progress anywhere. im just taking it as it comes and enjoying his presence in my life. <3

my family......... my family is NUTTS. kristin is still one of my BEST friends. although we are more distant than we used to be. we were super close at one point this year.. around the end of school. things change. i feel like a huge part of it has to do with me being selfish. which i know i am but i hate to be. :[ karly shared a room with me this summer.. veryyyyyyyyyyyy tough deal. i thought it would be easy and fun but it was really quite frusterating for me. i still love her of course and shes still an awesome friend. i am a very clean freak and just somewhat.. uhh SPOILED. i prefer to have things how i put them. my way. and i hope nobody is reading this who is going to comment something like "you are such a little spoiled brat" cause when i used to open up like this on xanga i got one of those and it wasnt appreciated. i used to have people read my xanga from my school.. i wasnt even friends with them.. who just read my xanga cause they thought it was funny to read about how i saw my life. i dont think i like that. i am being a little emotional lately but im sick of people thinking things and then saying them. its fine just please keep it to yourself cause i cant deal with it right now. im not in the defending mood.

i dont even know what i just wrote but it was alot. ummmmmmmm.. im going to be a friggen junior and thats crazy. HIGHSCHOOL IS LOOKING UP I THINK!

love----------------> KACIE MEREDITH <3

"while we're young and beautiful, kiss me like you mean it, treat me like im special, cover me with sweetness.. cause the time will come, when we're not so young and beautiful"